In Response to Some Comments and To Any Woman Whose Husband Has Been Unfaithful in Any Way...

Thank you for your comments. I can not tell you how much it means to me to have your support. I do not always feel strong at times, but women like you lift me up.

As I was reading your comments, I was thinking how much I wish you could both go through the Lifstar Program along with attending 12-Step Groups. They are both so -oh what should I say -mandatory - for anyone who has had a husband with a pornography addiction - especially who has had an affair. For us, I can not see how I could be healing without both of those groups.

For both the ADDICT and the COADDICT (maybe you):
Attending and working in your Lifestar Group and your 12-Step Group keeps the addiction in remission, just like cancer goes into remission.

By taking these pro-active steps and becoming educated on addictions - ie, sexual addictions, you are able to learn, cope, forgive and heal. These addictions never go away. They just go into remission. It is not a comforting thing to hear "Once a sex addict, always a sex addict." but it is true. But the comforting thing is that it can be in remission for the rest of his life. He and you just need to learn how to keep it in remission. And it is hard work, but obviously better than him not being in remission.

I hope so deeply that you can at least order the Lifestar Workbooks online and talk with a therapist who specializes in Lifestar or sexual addictions. They are so beneficial - that is an understatement. They not only are saving my marriage, but my life as well. Thank you and keep in touch.

Also...
If your husband will not go to counseling or attend Lifestar Groups or 12-Step Groups, then you just go. You may think, well HE is the problem, but you can learn so much that will help you as you live with him and the pain he has caused. There are many women who go alone to each of the groups. I attend the 12-Step Group as often as I can, but I miss when I can't make it. I go to my Lifestar Group once a week. I still go alone to counseling. I have dragged Max along half the time (I do recognize it as a blessing he will come.) But, Max will not go alone. He committed to go to individual therapy sessions after he slipped and viewed pornography and masturbated in July. But, he only went one time and hasn't made an appointment since.

I do only what I can do. I can not control Max. It can be depressing, but I will not live with it forever. If he did refuse to go, then things would change. I would not let our marriage continue if he stayed in his addiction. No woman should. You deserve to have a husband who is either in recovery (he views pornography less and less and there is an end in sight) or in remission completely. Talk to people. Talk to your church leaders. At least go to a Lifestar therapist one time. You will never regret it. Every session I have had has been life-changing and worth it. You wouldn't think a 1 hour session could change your life, but the things you learn will change your life. It is true.

Another option is to get him to committ to only going to Phase 1 of the Lifestar program. It is only once a week for 6 weeks. It is sooooo educational and incredible. Yes, it costs money, but is the best money ever spent. I mean that more than anything. I would have paid tens of thousands of dollars for Lifestar, yet it is only a few hundred. Yes, it is money, but well worth every cent. And, if you can not afford it, talk to your bishop and the church will pay. No one needs to know but he bishop. He (and God) would rather pay and have you go to Lifestar than have you not go because you don't have the money.

12-Step Groups are free! Just look up one in your area. The LDS Services has lists of groups in your area.

You would think they are paying me. But, nope, my life is real and I, myself, benefit from these groups.

I attend a 12-Step Group that is for women whose husbands have struggled with pornography addictions. Max goes to the 12-Step Group that is basically an addiction recovery group for men who struggle with pornography addictions.

Anyway, last of all, DO NOT LET YOURSELF GO INTO DENIAL. If you know your husband has a pornography problem, and your first instict is to knowingly ignore it or your frustrated, but don't do anything productive about it, then you are in denial. I was in denial 5 1/2 years ago. I was there in the thick of it. I did not know what else to do, so I went into denial.

What I did not know is that ADDICTIONS ARE PROGRESSIVE! If I would have known that, I would not have let it go on!!! If I would have known that no sex addict can look at pornographic pictures for ever and be satisfied, I would have done something pro-active about it. Eventually, the pictures are not enough to satisfy the man. So, they start watching 20 second videos on the internet. (Some soft-porn videos are on youtube.com) Then, they start renting, ordering or buying full-legnth porn videos! Then, the videos are not enough, so they start visiting strip clubs or getting prostitutes! They look at strip clubs as "the same as pictures, just live women." Then, they start touching the women! Before they know it, they are so deep, they can not get out and it is miserable. When men have affairs, it is just taking their sex addiction far enough to satisfy them!

Pornography Addictions turn into Prostitutes and Affairs!!! Get help now!

I have to go, but more is to come. I want to reach out to all women and support each other.
I would love any comments...