Lifestar Groups and 12-Step

After 5 months or so of knowing of Max's addiction and where he's been and what he's done, it seems strange, but we are actually closer. There is a closeness in our relationship that was not present before. There is a peace that almost feels tangible at times. I'm sure part of it is from 100% honesty - finally. He feels such a huge burden lifted from his shoulders just from confessing his double-life. He doesn't lose the sleep, energy or money that the addiction took. So, he feels a peace from that. I feel a peace from knowing that I have made the decision to forgive because I know that is what God wants me to do and I know I couldn't be happier any other way. Divorce is not the answer. At least not in our case. Divorce is such a dark and dreary word. Divorce is literal destruction of the family and of the kids lives and their self-esteems. Not to mention the depression it would cause me and Max. Letting the option of divorce go, back in March, was one of the best decisions I ever made. I am so happy that I have been taught by my parents and church leaders the power of forgiveness and repentance. The peace that follows is irreplaceable.
So, Max and I both go to individual counseling. I go more often because he thinks he doesn't need as much help, even though he does. I am not pushing him to go because I want him to make the decision, and act on it, on his own. We are both in our Lifestar groups. He is in the Men's Group and I am in the Women's Group, of course. It is so beneficial and incredible. The workbooks and discussions and therapy are amazing. They are so insightful and helpful. I can not describe enough of how Lifestar has literally saved our marriage. If we did not decide to go to Lifestar, I don't know where we would be, but it would not be in a good place. Lifestar is so deep and really challenges our core beliefs and habits. I feel like I have learned more in Lifestar than in any psycology class I have ever taken in high school or college. And, I am not even talking about the addiction part of it for Max. He is actually accountable to his group. It is wonderful! If he looks at pornography or does something he said he would not, he has to talk about it with his group! Many times, it has prevented him from doing something more. 12-step groups are wonderful too. We both go to those, but 12-step with-out Lifestar is like going on a backpacking trip with out a backpack. I know that metaphor sounds silly, but Lifestar, for us, has taught us the tools we need to get over the addiction and to get through this trial period where Max is not completely sober and I have not set all of my boundaries in place yet. We are both working hard and progressing.
I hope that those of you who have husbands who are addicted to pornography will use all of the tools and resources you have to get over it. Do not only attend 12-step and not Lifestar. And furthermore, if you are already in Lifestar, 12-step is beneficial also and really roots you spiritually. We have learned to work on each area of our lives: Mental, Emotional, Physical, Spiritual, Social and Sexual. If we only work on some, we will only improve some. If we work on all six areas, we will improve in all six areas and have the peace from knowing we are trying to do all we can do with out over-committing ourselves or setting too high of expectations. It is really enpowering to set limits, goals and expectations that make us stretch to become better, yet do not stretch us too thin. We do what we can do living on a prayer the whole time. In that frame of mind, is where the peace comes and it makes it all worth it.
Please post any comment you may have and I pray for all of you who are struggling with husbands who have let themselves fall into the trap of pornography. Do not give up. There is great hope and things can be better than you ever have imagined. There is just hard work required. But, with great sacrifice brings great rewards.